thankful

(warning: long post!)

So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I want to share about the many things I am thankful for this past year. I guess I can start from the most recent and move backwards throughout the year.

1. Today, I am sooo thankful for God's faithfulness in helping me prepare for my section. My professor came to observe me today, so I was rather nervous, especially since I would like to ask her for a teaching recommendation in the future. Besides the extra pressure of an outside observer, I was teaching a Faulkner short story, which is a more difficult text. Also, I planned to do some formal analysis, which required me to introduce some narratological concepts, and I was extra worried that it would totally go over the students' heads.

All I can say is, God was really gracious. First, my most difficult student (I call her my nemesis) was absent today. The rest of my students are really nice in general, and were especially engaged and participated a lot today. They actually got the formal analysis, and were able to make some interesting observations. It was one of my most successful sections, and my prof was really impressed. I give all the praise to God. :)

2. This quarter, I'm particularly thankful just to have my part-time jobs. Being a 7th-year grad student, I have no funding from my department, and am left to my own devices for finding income. I am grateful that God provided me with two jobs: tutoring at the Writing Center and being a TA for this American Masterpieces class. At the Writing Center, I've really enjoyed working with students on their writing. It has been really rewarding, and I'm thankful that the hours are only a small time commitment each week. As for being a TA, I can totally see God's goodness in how it worked out. First, I only have to teach one section (it's a half-time position) but my tuition and fees are still covered. Second, many of my students are taking the class for less credit, so that means less papers to grade! I am just so grateful to have this opportunity to teach, listen to new ideas and get intellectually stimulated again, and have the work load not be too demanding that I can't work on my dissertation as well. Again, God is so good.

3. This year, I'm really thankful for my community group, especially the women who have prayed for me and with me, especially during times when I couldn't pray for myself. I can't say enough how thankful I am for the love, support, and friendship from our group, who have walked with me through some really tough and depressing times.

4. Lastly, this year I am especially thankful that God allowed me to go through a very difficult trial--not finishing my Ph.D. If you asked me a few months ago, I would not be able to say this, but looking back, I can already see so many of his good plans through that disappointment. I am thankful for this "hardship" because it humbled me, taught me to seek him more, and helped me experience aspects of his character in a way I haven't before, such as his sovereignty and trustworthiness. I am also thankful that through it he's also teaching me a lot about prayer--how to pray through the dissertation instead of just praying for it to be done. April through August were the toughest times, filled with doubt, worry, and utter disappointment, but God also allowed me to experience his love through Byron's care and support. In fact, because we've gone through this together, it has actually brought us closer. I'm still learning how to trust him more and more with the details of my life, and also realizing how much more I still need to grow up, but overall I want to just praise God for his wisdom and sovereignty in my life, and not giving me what I want, according to my timing, but what is best for me in his time.

I could go on and on and sing praises and thanksgiving to God, but I guess I'll end it here. God is good.